Intercontinental Hotel

The largest hotel built in the past 20 years, the wondrous Intercontinental Hotel, opened for business last week. It stands 32 floors with over 500 rooms, a luxurious restaurant, 23 meeting rooms, and two grand ballrooms. My confidante tells me the executive suites on the top floor cost $5000 per night. I have been told by my secret infiltrator that the people who christened these rooms are very important.


They have been building this over 200 million dollar monstrosity for the past 2.5 years. It fits with absolutely nothing in the surrounding area, and if the architecture ends up influencing the neighborhood, we are going to have a blue windowed Lego land in the SOMA. I suppose the toy concept fits well with the ever increasing appearance of warehouse chic lofts and edgy industrial condos. Why must gentrification be guided by such plastic principles?

The facade of the building reminds one of an eight year old proudly flaunting a gold tinfoil grill. Intimidating. Ridiculous. Fake. Oh toy land city, your smile is such meek decadence. I peered through the heavy beige curtains falling from cement columns to catch a glimpse of the restaurant on the street level floor. I threw up on the window as a result.